The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
