do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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