Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
