Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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