I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
