My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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