I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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