Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
