I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
