I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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