i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
