so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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