woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
