My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
