I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
