You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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