yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
