Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
