I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
