I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
