sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
