pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
