She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
