I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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