I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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