I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
