why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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