My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
