My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
