You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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