so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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