According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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