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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
