What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
