hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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