nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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