Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
