Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
