thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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