Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
