I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
