If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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