The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
