He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
