My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you. Go after that dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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