Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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