no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
