i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
