Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
