At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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