i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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