Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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