is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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