He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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