i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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