her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
