those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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