Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
