On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
