i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
