It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my nap took me to another dimension
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
