Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
50% drunk capacity currently
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
