I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
