The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
