There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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