could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
