Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
