So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
