hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
