This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
