if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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