Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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