oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still dying that you shit outside
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize