My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
