I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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