What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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