Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
